wat bout pragnant strippers??
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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