I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
