i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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