sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
