used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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