you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
