After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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