one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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