my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
