They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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