i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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