I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
