it was like his penis was on wheels.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
