you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
