Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
