Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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