The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize