hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
