I need help removing her.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
