Where did you get a picture of my penis
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
