you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
