wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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