Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
