you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize