Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
