just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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