love makes seman taste better
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize