i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
