this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
