I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am available for nakedness
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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