he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just blew my weed a kiss
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize