I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
