there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
