Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
