i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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