Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
