Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
