with your own penis?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
