i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize