good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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