shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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