Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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