last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
