Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
