Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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