Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
