She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
