the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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