I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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