just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
