Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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