thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
