i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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