A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
