Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
