I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
