Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I party with great urgency now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
