1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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