Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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