is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
