Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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