I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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