she woke up with a sticky ear
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize