Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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