Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
