where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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