PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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