You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
