Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize