i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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