people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
