Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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