listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
