My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pants are for mortals
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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